No Is My Name
by Swedenluvr
Summary: Two normal people from a distant planet go to the Earth where Jigglypuff and Captain Falcon reside where they enslave a country. Warning: Rated T because of some dramatic scenes with Captain Falcon.
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

**No Is My Name**

One fine day, Jack and Michelle were playing football. They put on their finest tuxes and ran through the flower fields throwing the ball back and fourth. They got to the very edge of the flower field when suddenly, a cardboard box, like the one Snake has, fell on Jack's head. After Snake fearfully ran out of the box, they looked inside. It was brown and smelled of cardboard. There was a gun inside it. It appeared to shoot lasers because it looked like the ones in Super Smash Brothers. The gun had letters on the side. These letters read "Furryilizer". Which, coincidentally, happened to be the brand of tampon Jack, [who was a gent.] was currently using. Because Furryilizer was a very good brand of tampon, Michelle shot Jack with said gun. Within a moment, Jack was turned into a fox. He was reddish brown, and wore a beautiful mini skirt and a purple bikini top. Michelle then jizzed her pants because Jack was now so unbearably sexy. Because Jack was so sexy, he shot Michelle with the Furrilizer and Michelle then transformed, like Zelda transformed into Shiek, into a furry. She was a fox like Jack, but she had fuchsia and black fur. She had a fluffy tail and a poof like Snooki's. She had now gained the ability to hide items in her hair. Jack then jizzed himself by Michelle's sexy awesomeness. Jack then stated that they needed new names for themselves because Jack and Michelle were not fitting for such awesome sexy furries as them. Jack then decided that his name shal from now on be Krystal, after the fox from Star Fox. Michelle then decided that her name shal from now on be Cheria after that girl from Tales of Graces named Cheria, even though she was not a furry. They then decided that they needed to do something for their furryness could not be contained. They decided to make money off the streets by reenacting the Room. They did that and made about 18 million dollars which they then spent on giant cookies and burritos. Gir, from Invader Zim came and tried to eat their burritos and giant cookies. However, Gir was so jelly of them that his head exploded. By the way, this takes place on a planet called Lesbianopia. Because Krystal and Cheria are lesbians. Actually they are toaster lesbians, a special type of kinky furry lesbians. Meanwhile on Earth, Sunday Brunch Jigglypuff [./_ second to last one] contacted his agent, 2e, to tell him that Kim Jong Il, the president of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea possesses the golden triforce bra. They decided the only option was to take over the Democratic People's Republic of Korea in order to own the golden triforce bra. Meanwhile on Lesbianopia, the two furries decided that they needed a vacation on Earth. Because the Democratic People's Republic of Korea was such a rich and democratc country, they decided to go to the Democratic People's republic of Korea. When we got there, we figured out that lesbian currency did not work on Earth. Therefore, Cheria and Krystal decided to casually rob a bank. The two furries calmly walked into the bank. The bank teller was not wearing pants and was playing Minecraft and Halo at the same time. His name was Squills. Cheria and Krystal reached into their bras and pulled out a wild Na10. The Na10 used his uberly intelligent quotes that are worshiped by some cults to take Squills down. This caused Squills's Halo and Minecraft to explode which caused pants to fly on his legs. They then got 50 cents for their furry lesbian vacation. Meanwhile, Sunday Brunch Jigglypuff and 2e finalized their plans to take over Kim Jong Il and get the golden triforce bra. So on 9/11, 2e and Sunday Brunch Jigglypuff hijacked a plane along with Breast Cancer Awareness Falcon [./_ the last one] and Breast Cancer Awareness Falcon Breast Cancer Punched all of the buildings in the Democratic People's republic of Korea and to top it off, set up a boobie bomb which exploded all that remained in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. 2e then laughed in an evil maniac voice and then forced Kim Jong Il to become his sex slave.


	2. Chapter 2: A Romance Between Two Furries

**Chapter 2: A Romance Between Two Furries**

These two furries were having quite an awesome vacation in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea with the 50 cents they got from the bank teller, Squills. Traumatized by the recent incident, he quit his job at the bank, playing Halo and Minecraft without any pants, and is now working for the Dear Leader, 2e as his personal anus cleanser. For special occasions, Squills helps his dear 2e prepare his anus. Kinky, according to said furries. The two awesome furries, Krystal and Cheria, decided to go to Pyongyang and obtain and consume delicious dairy products. Aka they wanted ice cream. While they were nibbling on their chocolate cones, a wild purple elephant jumped out of the sewers singing Jigglypuff's ballad from Pokémon. Because the furry duo was so sexy, they stayed awake. Again, because the furries were sexy, they decided to make out for the occasion. The fur of Krystal met the sexy pink fur of Cheria's and they kissed sexily. Cheria feeling kinky, opened her pink furry mouth and put her delicious tongue in Krystal's delicious mouth. Both the two furries moaned out of sexyness.

"Hey you two kinky lesbians! Unless you are bi… Come to my lair! THERE IS K-K-K-KANDY!" The huge purple elephant screamed. After the sexy furries made out for exactly 5 minutes, they decided to follow the elephant because they were famished. They decided they needed some more lesbian power, so they held hands, keeping the lesbian bond between them. When the lesbians got down to the purple elephant's lair in the sewers, they discovered the sad truth, there was no candy. There was however, a rather large pink, fuzzy book. The book contained the following story:

A long time ago, there were three golden goddesses: Din, the goddess of power, Nayru, the goddess of wisdom, and Farore the goddess of courage. The power of these three goddess created Earth and Lesbianopia. Because they needed to protect the balance between the worlds, they formed the triforce, which no one person could possess. Then one day, vampire werewolves came along and stole the triforce. They didn't want to feel guilty about taking over the two worlds, so they copied it in their mystical magical purple copy machine they stole from Spock, who was visiting Ash Ketchum at Hogwarts. They copied the triforce three times and turned it into two sexy golden triforce bras. The end.

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" Both the furries yiffed in unison. "WE SHOULD GET THE BRAS! WE WOULD LOOK SEXY!" The two sexy lesbian furries yiffed in joy and began making out again. Two hours later, they left the purple elephants lair, they went to the library run by Popeye to find out more about the golden triforce bras. After reading for a few hours, they learned that Kim Jong Il acquired them through an intense game of Simon Says back in the 70's, and that they now were in the possession of 2e. The two sexy furry lesbians set off on their epic quest to obtain the sexiest bras in the universe.

Meanwhile, back in the capital building of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, the Dear Leader, and his sex slave were making out intensely. While this was happening, Sunday Brunch Jigglypuff was enjoying Sunday brunch by herself. She felt left out because she was secretly in love with 2e. She didn't want to admit her feelings for the dear 2e, so she drowned out her sorrows in Sunday brunch. 2e then put on the golden triforce bra. "How terrible would it be for if anybody would take this sexy bra?" He asked in a British accent?


	3. Chapter 3: A Battle of Sexy Proportions

**Chapter 3: A battle of sexy proportions**

The two lesbian furries were still located in the library plotting their plan to get the bras. They were sexily making out. Because they were lesbians, this meant nothing. Besides sexiness. After they were done making out, Krystal suggested they acquire an army of bulldozers and put Prinnes in them in order to obtain the golden triforce bra. After they plotted their plot, Krystal got bored and took a pregnancy test. It came out positive. The two lesbians gasped. She was pregnant… with TWINS! The two lesbians made out some more in order to celebrate their achievement. The two lesbians made out all the way to Cambodia because they needed to check out the specs on their pregnancy. They brought along their first child, Pikachu, who was living in the boring other Korea, much to the parents dismay. Pikachu was also fluent in Cambodian. Even though the two lesbian furries were both 17, Pikachu was 35. When they got to South Korea to meet Pikachu, he was busy making a sculpture of the wild na10 using rabbits, yarn and canned ham. They did not question what their son was doing, as he did this every other Saturday and had many more na10 sculptures around. The two lesbians and their child walked all the way to Cambodia. On the way they got attacked by a pack of wild na10s. "MY HIPS SMELL LIKE CHEESE!" a wild na10 yelled as two more attacked from back. "ANAL PROBE READY!" another wild na10 yelled as he stuck a probe up Cheria's anus. However, it wasn't very affective, as Krystal ate the probe before it could arrive in Cheria. "MITOSIS IS OCCURING INSIDE ME!" The other wild na10 yelled as his fingernails grew out outrageously fast. He tried to scratch the two furries and their offspring. However, it was again not very effective because Pikachu used thunder which was super effective against na10 type. After two more days of walking, the furries encountered many things: a meteor containing 17 starfish aliens, Cthulu rose out of the ocean and attacked, and a very angry mime trying to sell them pink fuzzy balloons. They arrived in Cambodia's doctor who gave them the news that Krystal would be having her babies in the next two minutes. Suddenly, two babies shot through the window. They went outside into the fields to get the newborn babies. The babies were completely awesome as they were the child of two furry lesbians. They were also… vampire warewolves. Coincidentally, this species had a special 6th sense for sniffing out golden trifoce bras. They named the two children Saffyre and Mystyke. To celebrate the birth of these two vampire warewolves, they got their godfather, Squills. Squills, however, was busy playing Halo and did not care too much about the birth of Saffyre and Mystyke. He was also not wearing any pants. Squills did not recognize the fact that Saffyre and Mystyke were Cheria and Krystal's children so he used Pk fire on them by mistake. The vampire warewolves were okay because they had an automatic shield built into their bodies. Squills then apologized for this incident and then continued playing Halo. The two parents decided to take advantage of their children who had the special ability to sniff out triforce bras. The two children led Cheria and Krystal back to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and found where the triforce bras were located. The two furry lesbians were smart enough not to attack just yet. They decided to make a plan of getting Prinnies in a bulldozer and attacking the capital building in which the bras were located. They looked through a Korean phone book of local pizza places to get the Prinnies from. They found a pizza place around Pyongyang where they could get Prinnies. They ordered 666 Prinnies and had them delivered into their bulldozers. They took the bulldozer and ran it into the capital building of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. They dropped the exploding Prinnies onto the front of the capital building. When the front of it exploded, they did not find the golden bra like they were looking for. Instead they found the dear leader 2e, his sex slave Kim Jong Il, Jigglypuff, and Breast Cancer Awareness Falcon who immediately got into their hot air balloon which was Pokeball shaped and got out of the building while Kim Jong Il yelled "YOUR BRAS ARE IN ANOTHER CASTLE, BITCHES." Angrily, the two furries plotted their plan to get the bras.


	4. Chapter 4: Squills's Adventure

**Chapter 4: Squills's Adventure**

While the two furries were busy plotting their plan to get the golden triforce bra, Squills was still busy playing Halo and Minecraft while not wearing pants. He was in an intense game of Halo and using the wild na10 gun as his main weapon when suddenly, Master Chief jumped out of Squills's TV and yelled at him in a very arrogant, yet nerdy tone: "I am Master Chief! I have come to inform you that you are gay and that I have had sex with many women and they thought I was totally hot! I have many close friends, like Jus10 an-" the built in lie detector in his suit shocked him at a very high level because of the obvious lies Master Chief was telling Squills. Even though the lie detector going off was completely silent, Squills rolled his eyes at the obvious lies. "You're GAY." Master Chief told Squills as he rolled his eyes. "WHY ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME? I AM MASTER CHIEF!" He yelled as he took off his metal armor to reveal a nerdy little child with black hair. He talked with his hands and was extremely skinny. He was pale and annoying. Squills wondered what was wrong with Master Chief and told him to leave. Master Chief declined. Squills then shrugged as Jus10, his crack whore, walked in after smoking crack, ignoring what Pee Wee told him.

"SQUILLS, MY DARLING! WHY IS THE WILD FROSTY IN HERE?" Jus10 screamed. Squills looked at Jus10 confused and asked him what the wild Frosty was. He then explained that Master Chief was actually an annoying boy named Frosty.

The Squills panicked at what Jus10 was telling him. The one thing Squills couldn't stand was annoying little boys, which was exactly what Frosty was. The wild Frosty read Squills's mind and was enraged.

"I AM SO ANGRY AT YOUR HATRID OF ME!" He said doing his crazy hand movements as he talked. "BUT SINCE I AM THE FROSTY, I HAVE A HUGE EGO AND WILL NOT ADMIT I AM OFFENDED BY YOUR WORDS. I AM CHALLANGING YOU TO A BAKE OFF." Squills was busy admiring Jus10 to notice what the Frosty was saying and accidentally agreed to Frosty's challenge.

Frosty and Squills traveled to China to get the best possible place to have a bake off. On the way they encountered wild Pokémon like Squirtle and Shakeweight. Eventually they got to the ultimate kitchen in China.

Squills looked at Frosty and realized something: he was never really Master Chief. He was just Frosty dressed as Master Chief because the Frosty was just a wannabe. Master Chief was actually awesome and would never be what the Frosty was.

The bake off began. The challenge was to bake cakes within 20 minutes of time. The Frosty began baking his cake. However, he realized he didn't know how to bake at all. To substitute the cake, he just put a baseball bat.

Squills however, was very knowledgeable about baking from all his time spent playing Halo and Minecraft. He took his ingredients and made a lemon pound cake as seen on his own website, lemonparty . org. Because he was feeling saucy, he laced crack over the cake. He then realized that the Jus10 was addicted to crack because he was Squills's crackwhore. He had to keep Jus10 in a cage because of this. However, this was not violating any laws because Jus10 agreed to be put in the cage by saying "Do it, faggot."

The baking challenge ended. The judges ate their food while Squills waited nervously and Jus10 anxiously waited in his cage. Squills told Jus10 that he could get the crack as soon as the contest was over.

Over on Frosty's side, he was cool and calm, but because he was Frosty, he wanted to kill everyone and then tell everyone he killed them, even though he never did. He started rolling a joint. However, we all know that the Frosty claims to smoke pot, but never does. So when he was rolling his joint, it was just an apple he was rolling. It wasn't even real joint rolling paper too. It was a 100 dollar bill. Knowing Frosty, he was egotistic about this, but really, it was counterfeit and he felt badass but was really just a stupid white boy. He was also pondering on how the judges could choose Squills over him. In his mind, baseball was the greatest thing in the world next to wrestling which he believed to be completely true. If anyone didn't think it was true, they were gay in Frosty's mind.

The judges saw the cake Frosty made and immediately crowned Squills champion. In unison, Frosty exploded and Jus10 popped out of Squills's cake and got out his portable bong and smoked the cake. He got the fire not from a lighter but the furries, Krystal and Cheria were around and their hotness lit the crack on fire. Jus10 got high off said crack and started making out with Squills as a reward for winning the bake off. Jus10 got pregnant.


End file.
